This picture was submitted as an ugly dress actually. I don't think the dress was that bad, but what is that pile of gravy covered fried donkey balls on the table? Here comes my fictional story.
My wedding planning was going smoothly. Most of the people hired were professional and courteous. I did succumb to family pressure about one item. The cake was being baked by my cousin's husband.
My cousin's husband, I'll call him Bill Cobbs because that is his real name always seemed a little "off". That is OK because my cousin is definitely, certifiably nuts. I could try to justify the lack of sanity in the family with a number of stories, but that would be a long day.
All you really need to know is that they have 12 cats that they keep on their porch. The porch is so thick with cat dung that you can't even see the carpet that used to be below it all. This was the man who was going to be handling the dessert for our wedding.
It all started to go wrong at the rehearsal dinner. Neither my cousin nor her husband showed up. My mom heard a rumor that they were having some problems. The next day was the day before the wedding. On that day, the yellow flags were out. No one had heard from Bill and my cousin had supposedly been caught cheating on him. My fiance drove by Bill's shop and it was closed. It looked like the bakery hadn't been open in the last two days. We were nervous.
The wedding day came with no sign that a cake was coming. Nothing. Nada. I thought there might be some warning. Bill didn't call, the hall didn't call, the caterer didn't call. No one that we had hired noticed that a cake had not shown up until the ceremony was set to start. I was balling my eyes out.
I should mention that my Grandpa is an ex-marine. He is the type of guy that won't take shit from anyone. He also has no taste whatsoever but he means well. Well, when no cake was coming this seemed like a challenge to him. He called one of his war-buddies who owns a local donut shop. During the ceremony, grandma sat alone while grandpa went off on some adventure.
The reception came and we arrived. The woman at the hall was very nervous. She had just realized that no cake had arrived. Even the DJ was a little flushed. He was supposed to announce the cutting of the cake. I was in tears. I had no cake, and my grandma was in tears because my grandpa was missing.
During dinner, suddenly there was a little bit of laughter near the doorway. Grandpa and a young man in a dunkin donut shirt came in holding a large mound of something.
It turns out that his friend owns a dunkin donut shop. Grandpa and the guy spend the last hour making as many Boston Creme donuts as they could. They piled them wide and high. Honestly, it was the ugliest thing I had ever seen. Grandpa I love you.